| | When I Grow Up
Once, Clem was making rounds in the clinic, asking everyone what they wanted to be when they were kids. All the guys wanted to be policemen and all the girls wanted to be teachers.
When i was a kid, i wanted to be a ton of things. I wanted to host Disney Buzz. I wanted to be a mermaid. I wanted to be a pop star (No, actually i just thought smoke machines were really cool.). I wanted to be a ballerina.
It took me my entire childhood to realize that i was not actually good at any of those things.
One of the best things about being a kid is being able to have all these lofty dreams. No one's allowed to tell a kid she's never going to be pretty enough to be a beauty queen. Who's going to tell a little boy that being a policeman is not about carrying a gun and chasing bad guys.
As an almost 23 year old, i wake up (with much difficulty) at 6.45 every morning and almost ALWAYS, the first thought that hits me would be. I've never been so old in my life.
Well technically that would be true for everyone. Every minute that goes by is another that we'll never get back. And that freaks the hell out of me.
Society holds you in a head lock, saying, you are x number of years old, therefore you must've unlocked at least y number of achievements. And in the midst of feeling guilty about spending too much time on 9gag, you start feeling shitty about yourself.
You beat yourself up over and over in your head. What have you achieved in your life?
Truth is, not everything is as palpable as we'd like to think it is. We can't go through life ticking things off our imaginary list.
Of late, i've been too busy to do 9 out of 10 things that i used to love. I haven't updated this for longer than i'd like to admit. My Lord of the Rings trilogy now deserves a eulogy. I haven't made pointless conversation with other people's patients in such a long time.
Amongst quotas and events and races, it's easy to lose yourself while attempting to do the exact opposite.
Sometimes i find that i have to learn through to get through the day with stolen moments. Like today, my stolen moment was opening my room window to the most pleasant smell and tepidity of post-rain.
At times, my stolen moment would be dropping off something at the post office for my brother. Not missing a phone call from my mother or my boyfriend. Days when they'd serve steamed egg with pork at my regular lunch place.
Stolen moments.
I'd call those achievements. Wouldn't you?
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| | Posted 2/19/2012 11:21 PM - 155 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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